LOST: THE WHOLE CROWD 
AND THE PARROT. 



BY 

SEFTIMA 




PRICE 25 CENTS 



Eldridge Entertainment House 



Franklin, Ohio 



Denver, Colo. 



SERGEANT JIM, OF THE U.S. MARINES 

By Seymour S. Tibbals 

Sergeant Jim is a young farmer who lives with his- 
widowed mother, and when America entered the World 
War he enlisted in the U. S. Marines. Sergeant Jim 
saves a woman from being robbed of her farm and a~ 
friend from being sent to jail for a crime of which he is 
not guilty. He brings about the awakening of a selfish* 
miser and reunites a couple that had been separated. A 
play introducing real types of American rural character. 
Plenty of action and a strong, wholesome story. Pete 
and Dinah are two good negro comedy parts. Three 
acts take place in the sitting room on the Morgan farm. 
The other act in a French peasant's home, where the 
Marines are billeted. When the Boches shell the village 
Sergeant Jim and his comrades save the inmates of 
the home and prove the fidelity and courage of the U. S. 
Marines. Stage settings and costuming are not difficult. 
Seven men and twelve women characters. Time, 2^ 
hours. 

Price 25 Cents 

A TRUE BLUE YANKEE LAD 

By Seymour S. Tibbals 

A patriotic play in two acts for twelve boys. Jack 
Doran, a real American boy, meets the East Side gang 
and shows them why they should be^ loyal to the Stars 
and Stripes. A play worth while, founded on the idea 
that America is the melting pot of the world and that 
the real work of making true citizens should begin with 
the boys. The characters are all strong types and the 
play will appeal to Boy Scouts and older youth. One 
exterior, one interior scene. Easily costumed. Time, 
one hour. 

Price 25 Cents 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE, 

Franklin, Ohio Denver, Colo. 



LOST: THE WHOLE CROWD AND 
THE PARROT. 



By SEPTIMA 



Copyright 1919, Eldridje Entertainment Houee 



Published by 



ILDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE. 

FRANKLIN, OHIO DENVER, COLO. 



4 1 



\ 



^cJ" 



CHARACTERS. ^j^* 

Tom Roberts, of Boston. ;"■'; 
V ' Betty Roberts, his wife. 

Elinor Roberts, his young sister. 

Miss Clorinda Roberts, his aunt. 

Fefine, Miss Clormda's maid. 

Reginald, Miss Clorinda's parrot. 

George Melford, engaged to Elinor. 

Percy Houghton, of Albany. 

Nan Houghton, his wife. 

Sonny, his eight-year-old son. 

Lord Slick, his butler. 
\ Frank Jones, traveling salesman. 

Guide. 

First Harvard Man. 

Second Harvard Man. 



SCENES 

Act -L— Maine Woods at Night., - 

Act II. — Next Morning. Interior of Camp. 

Act III. — Same. Interior of Camp. Next Day — 
Late Afternoon. 

Act IV. — Same. Interior of Camp. Next Evening. 

Time — The Present. Summer. 






lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 



ACT I. 
Time : Evening. 
Scene : Maine woods. 

Curtain rising, discovers Miss Clorinda, hold- 
ing parrot in cage, Fefine, Elinor and Betty seated 
disconsolately on fallen log. Hammering, pounding 
and exclamations off stage. Light from automo- 
bile off stage, shines on the group on the log (right). 
Stage otherwise dark, 

Tom— (off stage) Perdition catch the thing! 
Reginald— Good boy, Tommy! Try again * Try 
*gain ! Try again ! Ha ! Ha ! 

(Enter Tom, bunch of cotton waste in one 
hand, monkey wrench in other, rather muddy.) 

i 5°?~~ Aunt Glorinda > ^ you don't stop that infer- 
nal bird, I'll wring his neck. To be made fun of by a 
parrot is just a bit too much. Now you hear me! 

. Aunt Clorinda— Yes, I hear you, Nephew Thomas, I 

should hear you equally well four blocks away. But I 

never could have believed that you would threaten to 

Tnurder the only creature your old aunt has to love. 

. ( Weeps.) 

■ Tom^ Cut it out, Auntie! Don't be a persecuted 
heroine, and I'll apologize as soon as the car starts. 

Aunt a—Car starts ! It never will start. You know 
I warned you that this make- 

Tom— It's the best make on the market. The "Run- 
well" is the fastest, the simplest, the 

Betty— (rousing herself) Tommy! Tommy! 
Bon't quarrel with your Aunt -Clorinda. You know you 
always get the worst of it* 



U Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 

Aunt C. — (triumphant) Of course he does, because 
I am always right. 

Betty — (cautiously) No-o-o! I wouldn't say that. 
It's more because Tom has such an excitable nature, I 
think. 

Tom — Thanks, Betty dear. Always first aid to the 
oppressed. 

Aunt C, — Be that as it may — here we are, stranded 
at dead of night in this awful wilderness, and likely to 
be murdered at any moment. 

Tom — Sure thing, Auntie. The Maine woods are 
chuck full of Italian bandits, who will cut us up into 
sections, and send them, piece by piece, to our weeping 
relatives, for the insurance, alimony, or whatever it is. 
Ransom! That's it! Ransom! 

Aunt C. — It's a judgment on me for coming with 

you — a judgment! 

Tom — I can't help feeling that your punishment is 
excessive. But at any rate, the fact that your expecta- 
tions are realized ought to make you happier than if you 
were rolling into Bangor at this moment, with both tires 
intact, and the spark plugs working. (Goes back to car.) 

Elinor — (who has been musing- apart, looks up and 
calls) George. (George appears holding tools.) Why, 
George, aren't we ever going on? What is wrong with 
the car? 

Reginald — Wake up! Wake up! Kiss me, dear! 

Elinor — (indignantly) Aunt Clorinda, at your age, 
you should be ashamed to teach that bird such language. 
It's disgraceful. 

Aunt C. — It is not from me that he learns such lan- 
guage, as you very well know, young woman. I am proud 
to say no man ever dared address me in such a manner. 

George — (sits down by Elinor and takes her hand) 
That bird's the limit. 

(All dejectedly silent as Tom hammers off 
stage. Suddenly Fefine screams. Everyone jumps,) 



Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 5 

Fefine-— Beast of a bird! Wicked one! Son of evil! 
He bit a piece from out my finger. 

Aunt C. — Poor dear. He is hungry. Poor Reginald. 

Fefine — But there are other fingers. Why he bite 
mine? 

George — Because your fingers are tender and young, 
Fefine, and Reginald is a bird of discrimination. 

Aunt C. — (stiffly) Do not concern yourself, Mr. 
Melford. My maid is not seriously injured. Might I sug- 
gest that instead of sitting there idle, you assist my 
nephew in his efforts to get us away before morning. 

(George rises as Honk! Honk! is heard at 
left, and lights of another car appear.) 

Aunt'C. — I knew it! I knew it! Our time has come! 

(Enter Percival and Nan Houghton in auto 
dress. They survey the astonished group.) 

Percival — Are you in difficulty and want help? Or 
is it just a party? 

Aunt C. — Sir, only an unfeeling monster would rid- 
icule such misery as ours. 

Percival — Pardon, madame. But your holiday ap- 
pearance, your leisurely attitudes, your little feathered 

friend 

(Enter Tom) 

Tom — I assure you, sir, that we are in difficulties 
and we want help. Where are we, anyway? Still on the 
map or fallen over the edge? My car has gone to the 
bad, and I can't find out the trouble. 

Nan — It's the carburetor — always blame the car- 
buretor. It sounds learned, and it may be true. 

Percival — I shall be glad to help you if I can, but I 
can't see just where we are myself. I have hired a camp 
in this region, but it is some miles from here I think. 
By the way, we are from Albany, Percival and Mrs. 
Houghton, at your service. 



6 Lost : The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 

Tom — Glad to know you. I'm Tom Roberts, of Bos- 
ton, motoring with my wife and family, and a parrot, to 
add to the joy of the expedition. (All are introduced in. 
dumb show.) 

Sonny — (rushing in much wrapped up) Let me see 
the parrot, dad ! I want to hear him swear. Please, 
dad! 

Aunt C. — (severely) Listen to that child. Suck 
depravity in one so young is shocking, sir, shocking! 

Percival — Ah, madame, his very curiosity proves 
that he is not familiar v/ith vice and crime. (Goes to 
left and calls off stage) Lord Slick! 

Nan — Lord Slick is our Jap butler, but I just know 
he is a prince in disguise, and because of his high-bred 
appearance, and his smooth ways, we call him "Lord 
Slick." Anyway, he is a perfect servant, and because of 
his devotion to us, 

Percival — Meaning yourself, my dear. 

Nan — He has turned chauffeur and general handy 
man, rather than be separated from us this month. 

Betty — A perfect servant! It seems impossible. If 
ever you want to part v/ith him — at any price 

Percival — (calls again) Lord Slick! (explains) 
There must be some kind of a shelter about here, if only 
a rough shack, and I have sent the butler with the lan- 
tern to look about a little. (Enter Lord Slick with lan^ 
tern) Ah! Any sign of a house, Lord Slick? 

Lord Slick — Yes, honorable master. Two — four — 
nine steps — nice house. Dry. Nobody there. 

Percival — (to Tom) As I have two flat tires and 
you have other complications, and we are all lost, sup- 
pose we companions in misfortune join forces for the 
night. We can make the ladies comfortable in this 
house, and in the morning try to find our way out. Guess 
you'll have to stay with the car, Lord Slick, and guard 
the luggage. Make yourself a bed in the tonneau. Come, 
ladies. 



Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 7 

(As Percival speaks, two young men^-^one 
wearing white raincoat, enter from other side and 
conceal themselves, while listening to the conversa- 
tion.) 

Aunt C.—l will not go. It is a plot. We shall all 
be killed. 

Tom — (takes her arm) Come on, Auntie, come on. 
Your little Tommy will take good care of you. Come 
right along. Reggie is getting damp. (They go off left, 
stepping cautiously. Percival leading with lantern.) 

(Lord Slick stands watching them out of sight, 
then finally raises arms and yawns.) 

Lord Slick — Very lonesome. Very sleepy. (He 
walks off slowly. Men come from behind bush and 
watch him.) 

First Man— That's a Jap ! If he only can cook ! 

Second Man — Of course he can cook, all Japs can. 
Oh, how hungry I am ! 

First Mail— What's the penalty for kidnaping? 
Think! 

Second Man — I refuse to think, except that self- 
preservation is Nature's first law. 

First Man — But to steal their cook! They may 
starve to death without him. 

Second Man — Starve to death — with all those wom- 
en! If they can't cook, they deserve to starve. That's 
woman's natural job in life — to cook. Think of your 
own friends starving in camp this minute. 

First Man — Well, it's up to you. But we'd better 
wait till he gets asleep and everything's quiet. He may 
be slightly resentful about being kidnaped, you know. 
May not fancy our company. (They sit down on the log 
and wait quietly, almost invisible in the darkness.) 

CURTAIN. 



8 Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 

ACT II. 

Living room of camp. 

Usual camp furniture — closet with dishes and food 
At left, kerosene stove on table. 
Door at back and side as convenient. 
Also door into kitchen. 
Time — The next morning. 

(One after another, all straggle in, looking 
tired and disheveled.) 

Aunt C. — (evidently continuing argument) Mark 
my words — that dream was sent me as a warning. 

Betty — It certainly has warned me not to let you 
have so many strawberries at night. 

Aunt C. — Strawberries! My digestion is perfect. 
Some awful misfortune is upon us. Our last hour draws 
nigh. You are aware, I suppose, that dreams in a strange 
house are always portentious, and that they often fore- 
cast coming events. Once more I see that horrible fig- 
ure, with gory hands outstretched — creeping — creeping. 

Tom — Come Auntie — don't scare the girls to death. 
You know I warned you about that awful sage cheese — 

Aunt C— Strawberries ! Sage cheese! What next, 
I wonder? 

Tom — Don't know, I'm sure. These country hotels 
play the dickens with one's digestion. But I wish I 
could see one now. Oh, how hungry I am ! 

Aunt C. — I suppose my digestion was also the cause 
of that awful shriek we heard — that weird cry of an- 
guish, as of a lost — a persecuted soul. 

Tom — 'Twas only a loon on the lake, dear. Only a 
loon on the lake. 

Aunt C. — That was no loon. It was a human being 
in distress. Oh, that wail! It rose and fell like a— like 
a 

Tom — Like a siren whistle. 



Lost : The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 9 

Aunt C— Cease, wretched man! Some awful fate 
is near us. Mark my words. 

Tom — (tragically) Starvation! 
(Enter Sonny) 
Sonny — I want my cerealina! I want my breakfast! 
Percival — Sonny has the right idea. Where's that 
illustrious cook of yours, Nan? 

Nan— I don't know. He was to bring the hampers 
here and get breakfast. I hope nothing's happened to 
him. 

Percival — Well, we won't wait here longer. We will 
go and look him up. 

Betty — Feline is utterly useless for culinary pur- 
poses, so Elinor, you and George can stay here and start 
the coffee, so providentially left near this oil stove. 

Aunt C. — I shall go for mushrooms. I know they 
grow about here, and I do not wish to change my vege- 
tarian diet. 

Tom — Now, George, we will give you three minutes 
to say "Good morning," and — er — whatever else occurs 
to you, but after that, young man, get busy! 

(All go out except George and Elinor.) 
George — Well, good morning, my dearest. Did you 
have a comfortable night? (They embrace.) 

Elinor — Not very, dear. Of course we couldn't 
sleep much for when Aunt Clorinda was not talking, Reg- 
inald was. And that awful shriek, George! What could 
it have been? 

George— Just a loon— -as Tom says. But how about 
the coffee? 

Elinor— Oh, dear! Coffee! I'm not a bit hungry, 
are you? 

George— Yes— er— no — of course not. How could I 
be — now? 

Elinor— Yes, you are. Don't try to deceive me. I 
know men. 

G eor g e — May I inquire how you are so well posted? 



10 Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 

Elinor — Haven't I a father and brother, silly? Oh, 
see this stove. Isn't it the very dearest thing? 

George — No, not the very dearest thing. 

Elinor — Will you behave ! But, you know, dear, I'm 
not much of a cook, and perhaps you won't love me 
when 

George — Darling, have I not already eaten your bis- 
cuits ? And, while they have made me sad, they have not 
diminished my love. But, I say! Keep your eyes out 
for a good cook, will you? Now I'll go after the water 
and you start up the stove. 

(George takes pail and goes out.) 

Elinor — (examines stove) I'm — I'm really afraid 
to light the thing by myself, so I guess I'll set the table. 

(She hastily takes pile of dishes from closet, 
pulling down accidentally, tin of coffee, sugar, or 
anything to make clutter. Also drops and breaks a 
few dishes.) 

Oh, what shall I do! All those good things wasted and 
perhaps there aren't any more, and we shall all starve. 
(Sits and weeps. Enter George with water. Stands 
aghast for a moment.) 

George — My darling girl! What is the matter? Are 
you trying to wreck the house ? 

Elinor — (still crying) No — I — it was an accident. 
I was afraid to light the stove all by myself, and so I 
tried to hurry and set the table and — oh, I'm so hungry 
— and unhappy — and they'll be cross with me for wast- 
ing the food — and (cries.) 

George — Hush, dear! No one shall be cross with 
you while I am alive. (Begins to pick up as others enter 
and survey the wreck.) 

Tom — Was it a cyclone? Or have you turned mili- 
tant? Or are you breaking up house keeping? Couldn't 
we persuade you to remain a little longer if we reduced 
the rent? What have you been up to, if it isn't rude to 
inquire? 



Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 11 

Elinor— (recovering) It — is — extremely rude, but 
that's nothing unusual — for you. 

Tom — One word more, sister mine, and I'll eat you 
alive, peppery as you are. I am hungry enough for any- 
thing. 

Betty — Oh, just look at this place ! If we do as much 
damage as this in one morning, what condition will the 
camp be in by the time we leave? 

George — Where's the cook? Couldn't you find him? 

Nan — No, he has gone. My dear little Jap! 
(Elinor and Betty begin to get breakfast.) 

Tom — Yes. Gone. Departed hence. Disappeared. 
Vamoosed. Faded away. 

George — Gone! Impossible! Did you look every- 
where? In the auto lamp and in the batteries? But — 
break it to me gently— did he take the hampers with 
him? Couldn't you manage to find a couple of dough- 
nuts? 

Tom — But I tell you this is serious. A cook is a 
cook, you know — especially in the Maine woods. Pre- 
pare yourself for a shock. He took the hampers with him. 

# aw _Oh, my dear little Jap! That was not at all 
like his faithful heart and his gentle nature. He never 
would have left us to starve. Where can he be? 

Percival — Alas, my dear — we are all changed by 
adversity. 

Tom — Let's hold a council of war. Question before 
the house: What could happen to a Japanese butler, left 
alone at night in the Maine woods? 

Sonny — Injuns. 

Elinor — Bandits. 

George — For a ransom. 

Betty— No, there's only one explanation. Somebody 
needed a cook. 

Tom— (in deep tones) No crime was ever commit- 
ted without leaving a^lue behind. Moral, find the clue, 



12 Lost: The Whole Croivd and the Parrot 

Percival — (impressively) Here! (holds up willow 
wand with piece of red laundry check fastened to it.) I 
found this in the road near my car. 

Betty — Aunt Clorinda's dream and that awful 
shriek, we heard. Lord Slick is gone — stolen — or mur- 
dered ! (Girls and Sonny begin to cry. Enter woodman 
with Aunt C. in arms.) 

Elinor — Our aunt! Misfortunes seem to crowd up- 
on us. 

Woodman — Your aunt, is it? Well, I thought she 
might belong here, (puts her on couch) I'm a guide for 
the hunters who come up this way. I was out looking 
for deer when I happened on this old woman. Naturally, 
she wasn't expecting me, and she was so scared she 
went plumb down in a fit. I calculated she belonged to 
the "Rich New Yorker" (all exchange glances) who 
had hired this camp, so I brought her up here. I hope 
she ain't dead outright. I swan, she's some heavy. She 
felt like a deer on my shoulder. 

Aunt C. — (suddenly reviving) Dear! Dear! How 
dare you speak of me — a stranger — a lady — the victim 
of an accident through your fault — in terms of endear- 
ment? 

Woodman — Well, now, if the poor old thing ain't 
just scared crazy ! Anyway I'm glad she ain't dead. And 
now, as I ain't wanted, I guess I'll go along, (goes out 
hastily.) 

Nan — Will any of you please mention if you heard 
about the "Rich New Yorker" who owns this camp, and 
is evidently on the way? 

Elinor — It's no matter where he comes from, as long 
as he's coming. 

Betty — But poor Auntie! Fefine, unlace her shoe 
and heat some water for the bandages; she'll have you 
comfortable in a minute, dear. 

(Fefine attends to shoe, then goes out.) 

Aunt C. — If only I might have my tea. 



Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot IS 

Betty — Oh, my dear. I don't know how to tell you, 
but the Jap butler has disappeared, and we are so upset, 
we haven't made tea or anything. 

Aunt C. — What did I tell you ! My dream, and those 
awful shrieks. They sounded Japanesy. You will never 
see your butler again. 

. Nan — But he left this laundry check. 

Aunt C. — Nay! His captors left it. That check is 
Chinese. Remember the strained relations between 
China and Japan. He is gone forever. 

Elinor — (who with Betty has been preparing meal) 
If you people want anything to eat 

Tom — No — Oh, no — we don't really — but just to 
oblige a lady 

Elinor — Don't sacrifice yourself. You can oblige 
this lady by not eating, for there is not an abundance — 
and when it comes to starvation, we can naturally spare 
the most useless person first. 

(Fefine enters with basin and bandages, which 
she quietly adjusts. All take places at table except 
Miss Clorinda and Fefine.) 

Tom — George, note her disposition before it is too 
late. My sweet sister, previous samples of your cooking 
warn me that it is almost as fatal as starvation ; but I'm 
desperate, so I shaU try the cooking first, for I am young 
and strong, and may survive it. 

Nan — Understand, sir, that you are to speak re- 
spectfully of your cook. But, seriously, there will soon 
be nothing to cook ; and besides, the "Rich New Yorker" 
may arrive at any moment, and have us arrested as 
house-breakers. 

George — Why did I leave my happy home? Pass the 
mustard. 

Betty — What in the world do you want of mustard? 

George — (blandly) To sharpen my wits sufficiently 
to hold my own in this brilliant assembly. 

Betty — First catch your rabbit. 



14 Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 

George — I do not quite get you. Am I to find the 
mustard, or the wits to which to apply them? 

Tom — That will do, children. Stick to our nourish- 
ing menu of crackers and coffee, and be thankful. Don't 
ask for mustard or clams or caviare. (He rises in his 
place and raps on table with knife.) I call this meeting 
to order, and appoint myself temporary chairman. A 
serious problem confronts our happy colony. The con- 
servation of our food supply, combined with the high cost 
of living, has today brought us to the point where some- 
thing must be done. (Thumps on table.) 

Percival — Hear ! Hear ! 

Tom — Has anyone a suggestion? 

Aunt C. — I move that Mr. Houghton, the only really 
competent man among us, go to the nearest village for 
assistance. 

Tom — You hear the motion. All in favor 

All but Percival — Aye. 
Tom — All opposed? 
Percival — No. 

Tom — The ayes have it. Mr. Houghton is to start 
at once to the nearest village for supplies. 

Percival — Yes, your honor. In what direction am 
I supposed to go? 

Tom — (blandly) We leave that entirely to your 
own discretion; and while I wouldn't for a moment 
hurry you (all rise from table.) 

Percival — I understand, believe me, and am ready. 
(prepares to go) What do you all need the most? 

Aunt C. — I want five pounds of best parrot food, a 
package of seedless raisins, a carboy of spring water, 
some artichokes and Munstercancen's latest book on psy- 
chical research. 

Percival — (mildly) Is that all? 

Aunt C. — No. Here are my glasses which I broke 
in the woods. Have them mended for I am blind as a 
bat without them. 



Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 15 

George — Get a gallon of kerosene, old man. After 
filling the lamps this morning, I shook the can, and no 
internal swash met my longing ears. So we have no il- 
lumination but candles — and Tom's mind. 

Elinor — I am just pining for some Turkish delight, 
and — it must be time for the "Young Housekeeper's" 
magazine to be out. 

Sonny — I want a new Indian suit, dad, and a toma- 
hawk to scalp those horrid men who stole the cook. 

Betty — Bless his heart! Here's a list of things we 
really need — simply cannot do without — everything 
from a paper of pins to a tub of butter. 

Percival — (to Nan) What is your's, little girl? 

Nan — Just yourself back, safe and sound, dear — and 
oh, — any news of the "Rich New Yorker." 

Elinor — (gives gun) Yes, and here's something to 
keep you safe, and scare away the bears. George found 
this gun in the corner. (To George) I know you will 
kill yourself with the horrid thing, and I want to get it 
out of the house. 

Percival — By the way — Fefine hasn't asked for any- 
thing. Speak up, Fefine. 

Fefine — Oh, m'sieur — if m'sieur will permit — a 
ticket to Boston tout de suite. 

Aunt C. — There's gratitude! Reginald never loved 
a maid so well — and yet 

Tom — So well that he wants to eat her up, begin- 
ning with the fingers. 

(Fefine goes out returning immediately with a 
roll of red flannel., 

Parrot — Reggie want a cracker! 
Aunt C. — Thank goodness, we have crackers enough. 
I could not see a poor dumb animal starve. 
Tom — Dumb ! 
Parrot — Kiss me dear. 

(Tom hangs gun on Percival.) 



16 Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 

Aunt C. — Wait. (Gives Percival roll of red flannel 
that Fefine has just brought.) In case you get your feet 
wet, wrap this around your throat. It will keep you from 
pnuemonia. 

George — (offers sauce pan) To cook your game, 
you know. 

(Tom tries to hang camp stool on Percival^toho 
throws it off.) 

Nan — Your box of matches, (hands it) And do, 
try and find out about the Rich New Yorker and our dear 
Lord Slick. Now, good luck, dear. Hurry back. 

(Percival kisses wife and son and goes out. All 
watch him from door and window, waving hands.) 

CURTAIN. 



ACT. III. 

Scene — The same interior. 

Time — The next day — late afternoon. 

(Enter Tom, George, Nan, Betty, Elinor and 
Sonny. The men with fishing rods and the girls 
with berry pails.) 

Betty — Well, here's something to keep the wolf from 
the door a little longer. When do you expect your hus- 
band back, Mrs. Houghton? 

Nan — It depends on how far he had to go, doesn't 
it? He will certainly come as soon as he can. 

Elinor — (who has been looking out window) Why, 
there he is now. 

(All rush to window.) 

Betty — No, it isn't. Oh, girls! The end has cer- 
tainly come. Look! That must be the Rich New York- 
er. There he sits with his feet on the piazza rail as if he 
owned the place — and no doubt he does. 



Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 17 

Tom — Betty! I do believe you are right for once. 
He certainly has an air of being at home — feet on his 
native piazza rail, and all that. What's to be done now? 

George — Go and speak to the gentleman, Tom. You 
are our best prevaricator. Treat him kindly and tell 
him we are willing to share his home with him. 

Elinor — But think what we have done to his home! 
There's the time we went off and left the kerosene stove 
burning and found the place all soot when we returned — 
The bloodstains where Tom cut his finger with the can 
opener — the broken dishes — and 

Betty — That will do! My reason totters on its 
throne. If you mention another misfortune, there will 
be war. 

George — There is one thing about it, he hasn't been 
into that awful kitchen or he would not be the peaceful 
citizen he now appears. Don't let him come inside, what- 
ever you do. 

Tom — Not if I can help it; but someone must speak 
to him — that's plain. Now, you all stand by me to the 
last. 

Elinor — (solemnly) We will never desert Mr. Mi- 
cawber. 

Nan — Oh, why isn't Percival here, when we need 
him so? 

Betty — Don't fear. Tom is equal to the occasion. 

Elinor — And you all seem to have forgotten George. 

Tom — Quit your scrapping girls. Your last hour is 
at hand. Don't desert me. I'm going. Oh, he's coming 
in. 

(Enter stranger tvith suit case.) 

Traveler — Hope I'm not intruding. Naturally, I 
didn't expect to find anyone here. 

Tom — We haven't been here very long — only a day 
or two, but it seems longer. 

Traveler — Well, it's a comfortable camp. Hope you 
are enjoying yourselves. 



18 Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 

Tom— Yes, pretty well. In fact, I may say we are 
having the time of our lives— something doing every 
minute. 

Traveler — Delighted, I'm sure. (Reaches for case.) 
Have you everything you need? 

Tom — Well, I don't know ; we should like a few more 
electric lights, but it's a snug little place on the whole. 
Shall I show you around? 

Elinor — (softly) Oh, Tom — the kitchen! 

Tom — (remembering ) But, my dear sir, you must 
be tired and warm. Let's postpone inspection of the 
house until you are rested. Have a cigar, (aside to 
George.) Scoot for the kitchen, George, and scrape off a 
layer of soot. 

(Exit George) 

Traveler — It's very cool here, compared to New 
York where I came from. 

Nan — (to Betty) New York ! 

Traveler — I am quite rested, and shall be glad to 
look over the camp now. (Rises and goes to window.) 

Tom — (to girls) This is the end. Farewell! Just 
put on my tombstone: "He did what he could," and I 
shall rest easy. (Tom leads the way to kitchen door, 
just as Fefine and Aunt Clorinda enter. Aunt Clorinda 
peers nearsightedly at the stranger.) 

Aunt C. — At last! You are back at last! Did you 
get the bird seed? Oh, say you did. And the spring 
water? And my glasses? I am blind as a bat without 
them. Open that suit case at once! 

Betty — Hush, Auntie! This is not Mr. Houghton. 

Aunt C. — Not Mr. Houghton? Then you are 

Tom — (impressively) He is 

Traveler — I am 

Tom — Wait! Wait, my dear sir, before you speak 
the fatal words. All sit down. Get out the smelling salts, 
girls. 



Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 19 

(They all sit, looking scared, resigning them- 
selves to the worst,) 

Tom — Now, sir, tell us mildly, but firmly, who are 
you? 

Traveler— What the dickens ! Say, all you good peo- 
ple. You had better return to the excellent lunatic asy- 
lum from which you have undoubtedly escaped. I don't 
mind taking you back myself, if you will go quietly. 

George — Indeed we are not mad. We are simply 
the victims of an unhappy fate. Adverse circumstances 
have forced us to appear what we emphatically are not. 
As you were saying — you are 

Traveler — I have been trying to tell you that I am 
Frank Jones, traveling for Rubbem and Soakem, drug 
and soap manufacturers of New York. This camp is on 
my route, and I generally rest here, as I go along. The 
place has not been let for a year or two, but I did hear in 
the village that a "Rich New Yorker" was expected. Can 
we do a little business? 

Tom— Catch me, girls. Joy sometimes kills. 

Nan— We do need some soap. A lot of soap. So 
glad you came. You see, we were expecting — an enemy. 

Aunt C— Have you anything soothing, and at the 
same time cleansing— something particularly suitable 
for a bird of — er — strong character? 

Tom— Strong! Yes, strong biting propensities! 

Betty— Be quiet, Tom. Please devote your atten- 
tion to soap. 

Tom— Like a little soft soap, Elinor? 

Elinor— Really, Tom, you are surpassing yourself. 
George— Don't mind this excitable person, Mr. Jones. 
We'll take all the soap you have, and you must stay for 
dinner. 

Traveler— Thanks, but I can't stop longer. My horse 
is here, and a storm is coming up. Good-bye. Hope to 
see you again. (Goes out with Tom and George. -Aunt 
Clorinda has been looking at the bird.) 



20 Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 

Aunt C. — Sweetness! My own Reginald! He is 
dying! Oh, what shall I do? 

Nan — The bird does seem ill. 

Betty — What can have happened? 

Aunt C. — I shall never rest till I discover. Fefine, 
did you cover the cage as usual, last night? 

Fefine — Madame, pardon! I find not ze blanket in 
ze dark, and wiz ze night so warm 

Aunt C. — And on account of your heartless conduct, 
my sweet bird must perish. I will never forgive you. 

Sonny — I guess it's my fault, Miss Ciorinda. I fed 
the old thing some caterpillars this morning, and he liked 
'em all right. Ate a lot! 

Aunt C. — Caterpillars! Oh, my darling pet! Cat- 
erpillars! Fefine, hot water! Young man, fly after the 
salesman, and see if he hasn't some ipecac in his grip. 
(Sonny rushes out. Fefine goes out.) 

Aunt C. — There, dear, there. We will put your lit- 
tle feet in hot water, and you will be better directly. 
(Fefine returns with hot water.) 

Elinor — What have hot feet to do with caterpillars? 

Nan — Warms them. 

Betty — The subject is not attractive. Why! How 
dark it is growing! We shall have a shower. 

(As they watch the cage, darkness increases. 
Thunder and lightning.) 

Nan — Oh, my boy ! My boy ! Out in all this storm ! 
(Goes to door, calling) Sonny ! Sonny ! 

Aunt C. — Fefine, go and bring in my lavendar ki- 
mona, hanging on the line at the back door. Quick! The 
rain will take all the color out. 

(Exit Fefine.) 
Nan — (at door) ' Oh, if Sonny would only come! 
Sonny ! Sonny ! 

(At this moment Sonny dashes in, followed by 
Fefine, wet kimona in hand, gesticulating wildly.) 



Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 21 

Fefine— Mon Dieu! Le spectre! Lord Slick! 

Sonny — I saw him too. 

Nan— Where? Tell me where, at once! What did 

you see? 

Sonny— Oh, a great white thing that waved his 
arms — waving — waving — 

Fefine — Le spectre! Le spectre! 
Nan— Tell us about it dear. Quick! 
Aunt C— (impressively; Stop! The dead can wait, 
but the sufferings of the living must be alleviated. Did 
you bring the medicine? 

Sonny — (takes bottle from pocket) Here. 
(Aunt C. takes it and goes to cage.) 
Nan— Now, dear, try and tell us just what you saw. 
Sonny — I ran fast down the road and caught the 
man. I told him Miss Clorinda wanted the ipecac quick, 
and did he have some. He said he did and he'd taken 
quite a shine to Miss Clorinda, and she could have the 
medicine for nothing. Said he was sorry she was sick, 
and to take a — teaspoonful every hour until relieved. 

AuntC— Me! Ipecac! What impertinence! What 
audacity ! 

Betty— But the ghost, Sonny. 

Sonny— -Well, I thought I'd go round by the old 
tree and see if the birds— no, honest, Mother, I wasn't 
going to touch 'em — just look at them a minute. 

Aunt C— And did you remember that my poor bird 
was suffering, while you reprehensibly procrastinated? 
Sonny— While I what, Miss Clorinda? 
Nan— You should have come straight home, son, 
for Miss Clorinda was anxious about the parrot. 

Sonny— I'm sorry, Mother; but it really wasn't any 
longer to come home that way. 

Betty— But the ghost, Sonny, the ghost! 
Sonny— I was looking at the little birds, and won- 
dering where the mother bird was, when I saw a great 
white thing comin' down the road. It kept comin' faster 



22 Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 

and faster, wavin' its long arms like this — wavin* — and 
wavin' — and then, I ran. No, I wasn't frightened. 
(Straightens up.) Dad says no man is ever afraid. But 
I — I happened to think about the medicine — and — and— 
I did want to see you awf 'ly, Mother, so I came home. 

(Tom rushes in.) 

Tom — l^ow, where did he go? 

Betty — Did you see him — the ghost? 

Tom — (striking tragic attitude) See him! I have 
seen, heard, and barely survived. Behold me! My hair 
stands on end. My trembling limbs refuse to support 
me. (Staggers dramatically.) 

Elinor — Hasn't affected your speech, has it? Do be 
serious, and tell us what you really saw, or if you saw 
anything at all. 

Aunt C. — (sarcastically) Perhaps Tom has been 
eating strawberries and sage cheese. 

Tom — Nothing but Welsh rarebit and mince pie 
could produce the vision I beheld — and then only at mid- 
night, at the dark of the moon. 

Betty — Tom, Fefine and Sonny think they saw Lord 
Slick. Do be serious for once. 

Tom — Serious! How could I be otherwise after an 
encounter with a ghost? I'm telling solemn facts. I 
thought I would get some wood for tomorrow's fire, so 
out to the wood pile I strode — my trusty axe in hand, my 
throbbing heart free from all vile suspicion. I was fill- 
ing my basket when I looked up and saw this shade of 
the — the — gone — the lost, strayed, or stolen. He rose 
slowly till he stood erect, and motioned to me solemnly 
with his long arms. Could he be Lord Slick, and was 
he following the same occupation in another world? If 
so, they don't have fireless cookers over yonder, else why 
was he hovering about my wood pile? I threw a stick of 
wood at him, and he dodged, waved his arms, and dis- 
appeared into the night. 

Fefine— Oh, Ciel! 

Sonny— Did you hit him? 



Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 23 

Tom— I don't know. I thought he was gone and I 
started for the house, when I caught sight of him down 
by the clothes line. And what do you think he was do- 
ing—the covetous spook? Stealing clothes off the line. 
He grabbed his arms full and ran, and I after him. I 
chased him around this cottage three times, but he gain- 
ed on me and disappeared. Probably the earth opened, 
but I could swear he came into this house. 

# aWr _Oh, he did ! And there he is I 
(Points to Fefine.) 

Tom— Feline, the ghost of the wood pile? Never! 

Nan— It was Fenne. She was sent to bring Miss 
Clorinda's kimona off the line, and you have been chas- 
ing her around this cottage— a merry-go-round of your 
your own making. (Laughs and goes out) 

Tom— Well, I'll be— spooked. But I still maintain 
that she was never the ghost of the wood pile. Now 
who in Hades, or out of Hades, could it have been? 

Aunt C— It was the spirit of Lord Slick. There is 
but one solution to the mystery. The Japanese butler 
has departed this life, but because of our solicitude for 
his welfare, his spirit lingers about us. We must re- 
port it to the Boston Psychic Association. Did the 
ghost have the appearance and manners of the deceased 
butler? 

Sonny— I don't know. Didn't stop to find out. 

^ om __They did look something alike. But if it is 
really Lord Slick, he has made wonderful progress m 
the art of dodging and making sudden exits. However, 
if our solicitude for him keeps him hovering about us, 
let's forget him. 

(Enter Nan with piece of check on stick. 

Nan— See what I found on the kitchen table. The 
mystery deepens. 

Elinor— I believe Tom put it there himself. It's the 
same bit we found in the woods. 



2/j. Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 

Tom — Cross my heart, hope to die — it is not, and 
I'll prove it. (Takes first piece from pocket and fits it to 
new piece.) This looks remarkably earthly to me. Noth- 
ing suggestive of either of the other worlds, except the 
color. Some suspicious characters must be near this 
house, and I'm going to sit up tonight and watch for 
them. 

Betty — Then I shall stay with you. You sha'n't sit 
here alone. 

Nan — How I wish you might discover my prince of 
cooks, my little Jap — my Lord Slick. Oh, where can he 
be? 

Betty — Don't worry. In spite of all this ghost non- 
sense, something tells me he will turn up all right. 

Nan — I only hope your information is reliable. Well, 
good-night. If you get scared, just call us and we will 
coma down and rescue you. 

Betty — Scared indeed! With Tom here! But, of 
course, if it is a question of saving his life from Indians 
or bandits 

Elinor — Or the "Rich New Yorker" 



Betty — Yes, or the "Rich New Yorker," I shall 
shriek for you. 

All — Good-night. 

Tom — Fare thee well, and if forever, still forever 
fare thee well. 

Elinor — Rest easy Tom. They wouldn't take the 
gift of you. 

Tom — Good-night, my sweet — sweet — little sister. 
Nan — She is — the very sweetest thing. 
Tom — (imitating George) No — not the very sweet- 
est thing. 

Betty — Good-night all. 

(All but Tom and Betty go upstairs, Tom and 
Betty walk about, putting out all lights except one 
ghostly candle, and arranging chairs for the night.) 

Tom — Oh, what a day we're havin' ! 



Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 25 

Betty— I'm scared, Tommy. I'm scared. And to 
think that Elinor gave Mr. Houghton our only gun. What 
if we are attacked? e 

Tom — Well, if we are, we are. Variety is the spice 
of camping. And please remember that all our exper- 
iences in this life count to our credit in the next. We 
sha'n't have to go through them again. Now, good-night, 
my little girl, and may no loons— feathered or otherwise 
— disturb your dreams. 

Betty— My dreams are always of you, dear, good- 
night. 

(As they settle themselves in their chairs and 
grow quiet, a ghostly arm reaches in the window, 
and leaves another bit of check on a stick,) 

CURTAIN. 



ACT IV. 

Scene — The living room. 

Time — The next evening. 

(George and Tom discovered smoking,) 

Tom — This has been what you might call a stren- 
uous time. Little did I think, when I innocently left 
home with my wife and family, for a trip through 
Maine, that I should be, by terms, a house-breaker, a 
man-of -all-work, a dispeller of ghosts, a— I say! What's 
that light among the trees down there? Now you see it, 
and now you don't. 

George— Crickets, or fire flies, or more ghosts. The 
day isn't over yet; plenty of time for more excitement. 
But keep your hair on, old man. 

Tom— I expect, and am willing to bear my share of 
human suffering, but this piling up of misfortune is get- 
ting on my nerves. Even Reginald is worse than usual 
— which is going some. m 

George—if calling a parrot "Reginald" isnt the 

limit. 

Tom — Thereby hangs a tale. 

George— Of course Miss Clorinda is— er— eccentric. 
Excuse me for criticising; I forgot she was your aunt. 



26 Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 

Tom — An honor which you will soon share. Con- 
gratulations, old man I But about Reginald — it seems 
that, like most persons, dear auntie had literary aspira- 
tions, and she wrote a book. The hero's name was Reg- 
inald. 

George — Which was enough to queer it. You don't 
need to tell me that it didn't go. 

Tom — Didn't go! They wouldn't have it at any 
price, or no price at all. But, as our unsuccessful chil- 
dren are always the dearest, so Aunt Clorinda's unpub- 
lished book is enshrined in her heart, and her most pre- 
cious possession now — that infernal bird — is named 
"Reginald" in memoriam. 

George — Terrible handicap for the innocent crea- 
ture. May account for his disposition. But, joking 
aside, what do you think has become of the butler? He 
actually seems to have vanished in thin air. We have 
searched all the surrounding territory, and almost 
dragged the lake, and not a sign of him or the supplies. 

Tom — Trust the wily Jap. One night in the open 
was doubtless sufficient. After a shivering, nervous, 
sleepless night, he probably rose with the sun, and 
tersely remarking, "Me for Albany," or the Japanese 
equivalent, grabbed the provision basket and started. I'll 
wager he is now resting comfortably in the governor's 
mansion — or wherever it is the Houghton's hang out. 

George — But how did he know which way to go? 

Tom — (solemnly) Read the answer in the stars. 

George — Believe me ! If ever I get out of this place 
alive, my future holidays will be spent in some safe re- 
sort like Coney Island or Revere Beach, where there are 
plenty of people, and policemen on every corner, to start 
you accurately on your homeward way, when you yearn 
for solitude and rest under your own roof tree. But I 
say, don't you hear wheels? Our messenger must be 
returning and in a chariot. I do hope he has brought the 
bird seed and the spring water. Let's go and meet him. 
(As they rise, Houghton enters.) 

Tom — Welcome, little stranger. 



Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 2T 

George-— Willie, we have missed thee. We found the 
gun and the sauce pan and the other first aids under 
the tree where you left them, ungrateful wretch! And 
we were rather hoping that you might meet a bear — or — 

Percival — Thanks for those ky-ind words. But it 
is good to be back. Life in the village is a paltry thing 
beside this place. 

(Enter Betty,) 

Betty — Why, Mr. Houghton! Back again so soon, 
and not a scratch on you ! (Calls) Mrs. Houghton,, 
here's your husband back, as good as new. 

(Enter Nan.) 

Nan — Oh, my dear! We didn't expect you so soon. 
You must have run. Are you all right? Tell us of 
your adventures while I get you something to eat. Did 
you hear anything of my little Jap? 

Percival — Not a sign of him. I'm not hungry, Nan. 
I've been feasting sumptuously (All groan enviously) 
and my adventures were most unexciting, I assure you. 
"Rich New Yorker" turned up yet? 

Tom — Has he turned up! These once raven locks, 
whitened before their time — show you 

Nan — But you are such a sensitive creature, Mr. 
Roberts. 

Tom — I acknowledge it, Madame, and am not 
ashamed of it. But even you and George were scared — 
valiant as you try to appear now. 

Percival — The new Yorker has turned up then. 
Where have you buried him? 

Tom — Oh, he is still at large — simply because, in 
spite of our one terrible half-hour of misapprehension — 
he has not appeared. I assure you we were prepared to 
sell our lives as dearly as possible and to give no quar- 
ter to the enemy. 

Percival — Brave people. 

Betty — And there is a ghost about somewhere, and 
pieces of laundry check all over the place. 

Tom — Yes, laundry checks, the outward and visible 
sign of desired and unobtainable shirts. Would that we 
might find the laundry, though they are not our shirts. 



28 Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 

But our life since you departed is a long, long story. We 
will begin it tomorrow when the day is young. Now, tell 
us where you have been, and if you brought the stony 
raisins. Speak, I prithee! 

Percival — Well, after disposing of your thoughtful 
contributions for my comfort, I tramped along until I 
came to some cross roads, where I met a man with a 
wagon. I guess I looked done up, for he said : "If you're 
going my way, pile in." So I piled, for his way was as 
good as any other to me, though I didn't tell him so. He 
remarked that it was a weary world, and none of us 
would get out of it alive; and then began to entertain 
me with the local gossip. 

Nan — Did you tell him where you came from? 

Percival — How could I, when I didn't know myself? 
Perhaps you have found out where this place is, but / 
haven't — didn't dare to ask for fear of unpleasant com- 
plications, such as arrests for housebreaking and the 
like. 

George — Couldn't you tell by his engaging conversa- 
tion? 

Percival — No. He told of a party of Harvard men, 
who, in true Harvard fashion, were occupying a camp 
across the lake, and he had an embarrassing amount to 
say about a "Rich New Yorker," who was expected soon. 
(The com,pany groan.) I did my best to learn this 
New Yorker's name and his disposition, but was unsuc- 
cessful. 

George — As we haVe his habitation and his rating 
in Bradstreet, what's the need of his name? 

Percival — Finally, we reached town, or a settlement, 
and if you will believe me, I didn't know what it was, 
and for the same obvious reasons, I didn't like to ask. 
The shop signs said "Boston Department Store," "New 
York Emporium." You know how it is. I couldn't even 
read the name on the railroad station, for with the usual 
country idea of convenience, the station was two miles 
out of town. I hired a wagon and a mechanician and — 
what's that light out there? Any of the girls bird-nest- 
ing? 



Lost: The Whale Crowd and the Parrot 29 

Tom — No, the girls are all here. We thought it 
might be fire flies, but it does look like a lantern. I move 
we investigate. 

(Shriek outside. Women rush into room.) 

Elinor — Oh, George! Did you hear that cry? 

George — I did. I really can't think of any style of 
adventure we have missed in these trackless wilds, but 
I'm ready. (Another cry.) By Jove! This is no joke! 
Come on boys! Quick! 

Percival — Don't you girls stir out, on your lives. 

Lord Slick — Help Help! I drown! 

Percival — Lord Slick's voice. Come boys! Quick! 
(Men rush out; women watch from window). 

Betty— Oh! Oh! They've gone down to the lake. 
Tom is going to jump in. Oh, what shall I do ! 

Elinor — Wait till he comes out again, of course. 
You know Tom can swim like a duck. 

Bettij—Bxxt it is so dark. He will drown. 

Nan — Be a sport, girlie. You would not have him 
hold back when someone needs help. 

Betty— Oh, you are very brave. He isn't your hus- 
band. Oh, Tom! Tom! 

Tom— (outside) Sit still you numbskull! Don't 
rock the boat! 

Aunt C— Who is it? And what are they doing? 
Oh, if I only had my glasses. 

Elinor— It is so dark I can hardly see. There! 
Tom didn't go in at all. He is helping someone out of a 
cnnoe. Who can it be? They are bringing him here. 
He seems injured or exhausted. 

Aunt C. — Fefine! Hot water! 

Sonny — And here's the ipecac, Miss Clorinda. 
(Enter the men, helping Lord Slick, who is ex- 
hausted. They try to revive him and he finally looks 
up and sees Nan.) 

Lord Slick — My honorable lady! 

Nan—Yes, Lord Slick. Oh, where have you beenT 

Lord Slick— It was pigs— pigs I was with. They 
know not good food. I not cook for them. 



30 Lost: The Whole Crowd and the Parrot 

Tom — Well, why did you leave your last place, any 
way? Was the midnight automobile bed too much for 
you? 

Lord Slick — The pigs! Eat everything, like pigs! 
Hungry all time same; honorable salad, honorable tarts, 
honorable fish— all same. I desperate man. They all 
gone— I go. 

All — Who are all gone? 

Lord Slick— Young men have camp across lake. Find 
me asleep in honorable automobile of august master. 
Wake me up — ask me what I am. I tell them I cook to 
honorable Mr. Houghton. They say, "Come with us; we 
need cook bad. Have not one good cook." I say "No! I 
not leave my honorable master and my honorable lady." 
They say, "We pay you plenty." I say "No! No!" 
They say, "You come anyway!" They pull me from car. 
I make one big voice. They pull me away quick — two 
young men — very strong. 

Tom— There's your blood-curdling sliriek, ladies. 

Betty — Hush, Tom! Don't interrupt. Go on Lord 
Slick. 

Lord Slick — They take me in boat to camp. Then 
they say, "You stay and cook a week. We pay you big 
money." I say I willing, but I mean to go when chance 
come. _,.' 

Tom— Listen to the wily Japanese. 

Lord Slick— This night, all came away, leave canoe. 
They lock door, but I go out window. I so smaller than 
they think. I know not that fool canoe. Wind blow 
hard, i jump too much. Then I drown in cold water if 
honorable Roberts not help me. 

: -^om— Never mind now! You are safe with us, and 
we will take care of you. We have looked for you every- 
where. : 
> Moral Slick — Who cook for my honorable lady? 

Tom^rBe, calm, Lord Slick, ./did. She, had the best 
of care. _ ; 

Elinor — You — cook ! 



Lost: The Whole Cr mod and the Parrot 81 

Fefine—(who has been looking from window) Mon 
Dieul Le spectre I Le spectre I (Falls on knees, her 
head in Aunt C.'s lap.) 

Aunt C— Calm yourself, my good girl. You are un- 
duly excited. 

Elinor— (looking out) The ghost! The ghost! 

George— And he's bringing a lantern this time. 

Betty— Are we all going mad ? . . 

PercivaW-Y move we investigate. 
(The men go out.) 

Percival—(off stage) Halt, you fellows! If this is 
a joke, it has gone far enough. 

1st Young Man — (offstage) Quite so! ^ 

Percival— (off stage) Gome in here, where we can 
see you. 

(The men return, bringing two young men, one 
wearing a white raincoat.) - 

1st Young Man — We have lost your cook, and have 
been looking around, trying to find him. Fortunately, 
we don't need, him any more, though I will say he's a 
dandy. He has been wild to return to his honorable lady 
and while we were off this afternoon, he escaped. Hope 
he's back all right. -v-.i 

Percival — He is — what there is left of him. You 
came very near leaving nothing but his ghost. 

Lord Slick — The pigs! The pigs I not cook for. 
(Jumps at them but is restrained.) \ 

Percival— A little jui-jitsu just now would be ap- 
propriate, and relieve all our feelings, but in your feeble 
state, you'd get the worst of it. 

Tom — Would it be inexcusably rude if we asked you 
to explain this extraordinary affair? 

Betty — Why, don't you remember my simple ex- 
planation? Somebody needed a coo k. 

Tom — Right, as usual, you jewel! 

1st Man— I'm sure we're awfully -sorry; but our 
cook left without warning- — too much excitement; and if 
you'd tried to eat some of the things we made, you would 
not blame us for stealing a cook. 



82 Lost: The Whole Crouid and the Parrot 

2'nd, Man — -Up in this wilderness, everything seems, 
to be common property. I know people use one another's- 
camps. 

(Party exchange guilty glances.) 

Nan — And how did you think we should get along 
without a cook? 

1st Man — Well, to tell the truth, we called occasion* 
ally, and you seemed to be doing very nicely. 

Betty — If you wore that white rain coat, no wonder 
we thought you were a ghost. 

1st Man — We left our card each time, that is, the 
only card we had — Bill's laundry check; and how Bill is 
ever going to get his shirts — well, it's up to him. 

2nd Man — (holding up piece of check on stick) This 
is our "p. p. c", positively our last appearance — pro- 
vided your man is back all right. 

1st Man — And, by the way, we left a box outside; 
wanted to get square with you somehow, so we brought, 
over some of the supplies we got from town when our 
cook came up today. (They go out and bring in large 
box.) 

Percy — (reads label) "Percival Houghton, Camp 
Hansen, Benton, Me." Why, this is for me. Is this 
my camp — the one I hired? 

1st Man — Your camp? Of course! We've heard of 
you for a week. 

Percival — But, it can't be! My camp is beyond 
Benton. Could we have passed the town in the dark? 

2nd Mam — Well, talk about stealing a cook! How 
about housebreaking? 

Percival — Then, I am that awful ogre, the "Rich. 
New Yorker"? 

1st Man — Sure. 

Betty — Did anything so funny ever happen outside 
the Peterkin book? 

Nan — We will have dinner at once, to celebrate the 
restoration of our cook and the discovery of our camp- 
All present are invited. 

CURTAIN. 



A GREAT WAR MUSICAL RECITATION 



mmmmmmmmmm 



THE 



WAR ROSARY 

The words appeared in "The Westminster 
Gaz ette, ? ■ and an especially melodious and 
appropriate accompaniment has been given 
them by 

Sarah Butler Eldridge 

This number especially good for Red Gross 
programs. 

I knit, I knit, 
I pray, I pray; 
My knitting is my rosary. 
And as I weave the stitches gray 
I murmur prayers continually. 

Music and words complete, sheet 
music size, price 50 cents. 

THE ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 

FRANKLIN, OHIO also ^fiff DENVER, COLO. 

SEND FOR OUR BIG CATALOGUE 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 





017 400 176 5 



THE NEW COSTUME BOOK 

HERE AT LAST IS A BOOK WHICH WILL BE WELCOMED BY 
EVERYONE WHO HAS AN ENTERTAINMENT IN CHARGE 

AMATEURS' COSTUME BOOK 

r-w By ELIZABETH GUPTILL 

BESCRIBES ACCURATELY HOW TO 

MAKE OVER 100 COSTUMES FOR 
Mother Goose Characters 
Fairies, Witches, Gobiins 
Spirit of Christmas 
Characters of Flowers 
Patriotic Personalities 
Elves, Brownies and Gnomes 
A Variety of Dolls 
Little Folks of Long Ago 
Grecian Maids and Matron 
Characters of Comedy 
The Four Seasons 
Holiday Characters 
Different Nationalities 
Angels," Cupids, etc. etc. 

ILLUSTRATED FROM ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPHS 

Useful to enterprising -mothers who are called upon to 
costume their children for amateur entertainments or 
fancy dress parties. : : ; : • ♦ : 

DO I {* C I PAPER, 50 CENTS 
rR| vt] CLOTH, 75 CENTS 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE 

FRANKLIN, OHIO ^ *, ^ V DENVER, COLO. 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




017 400 176 5 



